i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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