It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize