So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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