girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And then he peed in my hair
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