So drunk its hurt
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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