Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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