So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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