Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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