I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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