Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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