my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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