I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize