I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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