The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize