As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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