I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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