My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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