I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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