By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he thought i was a dude.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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