Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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