Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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