waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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