Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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