I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize