Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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