I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I could make wine with my vomit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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