hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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