he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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