Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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