That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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