Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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