Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize