I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize