Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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