Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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