Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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