Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In America we eat man semen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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