Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
