I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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