where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize