I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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