i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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