he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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