I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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