I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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