Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize