im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize