No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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