I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You can't special order awesome
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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