He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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