Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
In America we eat man semen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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