If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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