I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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